Government Programs to Subsidize Custom Made Underwear

In a striking move, the U.S. Government has announced a subsidy program for the purchase of custom made underwear. "Undergarment discomfort is a little known, but prevelant source of misery in our nation," said Tomias J. Palak in a speech this morning. He went on to describe the numerous health benefits of properly fitting men's briefs, bras, and women's underpants. "Sags and bunching can cause untold injury to self-esteem, concentration, and one's ability to perform in these difficult economic times."

According to social scientists at the University of Managaskonit, mass manufactured undergarments have not fitted so poorly since the depths of the Great Depression. "We feel that this kind of subsidy program is exactly what is needed," said Phyllis Squant, Professor of Comfort Studies. "Our nation has had the fleshy parts at the tops of its thighs rubbed raw for long enough."