Monday, November 12, 2007

Micro$oft Juices The Apple

Holy Crap. The i/Pod/Phone/Touch/Mac/Apple is so screwed:

Microsoft One-Ups Apple's IPod Engraving

In a bid to one-up Apple, Microsoft said it will engrave designs by contemporary artists on the back of its Zune media players free of charge starting Tuesday

Lazer Engraving. Who could have imagined? This masterstroke by super genius Evil Steve BallMeR has convinced of Apple's doom. It chills my very OS X loving heart to the core. If anything will put sugar in the gastank of The Steve Jobs Creativity Bulldozer, this will.

I'm dumping my Apple Stock, putting the MacBooks and iPods on eBay, and filling the G5 with ice and cervezas to celebrate this glorious announcement.

...Said Chris Stephenson, general manager of global marketing for the Microsoft division responsible for the Zune. "We knew there was something interesting here that would allow us to have a slightly different position in the marketplace."

The last youthful bits of my soul can feel The Kidz going after this like termites after cedar, like dust mites after dust, like cod after tartar sauce. Those crazy Generation Z chillins will be unable to resist the allure of laser art engraving.

The company will also offer 20 smaller graphic designs inspired by classic tattoo art, leaving room for three lines of text chosen by the customer.

Tattoos are not enough. Imagine: Not only can you have Justin Timberlake Britney Fiddy Cent Kanye West Kellie Pickler entwined with double snakes and wrapped with the name of your mom/dog/boyfriend/girlfriend/ex-wife on your still lean biceps, you can keep that indelible image on your beloved, precious, never to be obsolete, always-with-you, 80gb Brown Zune for all eternity.

Because I'm impetuous and can't wait to join this stampede of Righteous Hip Youth, I made my own Zune:

And this is my sweeeet flipside design:

Stephenson would not say whether Microsoft has any specific goals for the Zune's second year on the market, other than to be "a solid No. 2" to the iPod.

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