Thursday, September 13, 2007

Master plan to defeat loud cell phone talking

Situation: In a public place, someone has a loud, protracted, and incredibly inappropriate phone conversation.

Problem: despite a room or bus or train's worth of dirty looks, the talker does not lower his or her voice.

Solution: Take out your own cellphone (if you have one. It's not essential). Begin your own loud conversation, but with the original loud talker. Provide the reverse end of their conversation. Eventually, they will notice the mysterious and not quite accurate echo of their conversation.

Expected results: anger, denial, embarrassment. Who cares, so long as they shut up. Warning: fistacuffs may result. Be prepared for potential violence.

Why this works:The talker does not intend to be rude; they are simply insane. Cell-phones cause temporary psychosis. This results from the brain's inability to be in two places simultaneously, causing the reality in the talker's head is more vivid than the actual, real, reality (i.e. mine. And yours, I suppose). In addition, the talker's optical cortex is disrupted and visual signals such as grimmaces, pointing, and lifted middle fingers are actually not seen. With sound and voice, you can actually enter the mind of the talker. Only by joining the talker in their madness can you cure them of it.

3 comments:

TheWayOfTheGun said...

This results from the brain's inability to be in two places simultaneously, causing the reality in the talker's head is more vivid than the actual, real, reality (i.e. mine. And yours, I suppose).

This is actually quite insightful. There is a fair amount of research to back this up, though I doubt the researchers would have thought to apply it to your scenario. I sure wouldn't have.

I'll spare you the whole rant about the research until we are in the same place and you can get away by changing browser tabs.

TheWayOfTheGun said...

Ar, I mean CAN"T get away.

t said...

Yes! I've seen articles about that research and it makes every bit of sense. My own perception of being on a cellphone is that I'm socially retarded in the present time. I have to make an extra big effort to keep my mind on this place rather than that place. All the time, I watch people in line in stores and food places say "excuse me" to the person on the phone, while being completely rude to the actual human being right in front of them. It's almost as if the world in the phone is more real than reality.

I've also noticed that staring and talking about the person loudly doesn't really do much. I've seen that scenario on the bus, where a young lady was having one of those "AND THEN HE STUCK HIS TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT--" sort of calls, while two women laughed at her from a nearby seat. The young lady never noticed, not once.